Wo~ I jus watched Bleach movie................................... NAP! Touching too~ Suddenly, I have mixture of feelings inside hmmmm
ST JAMES POWER STATION - DRAGON FLY
A place that everything happen... Fights, celebrations, friends gather to chill, repeated chinese songs sang by singers there, people get drunk, where u can see a BIG grp of ba poks picking up guys.... see all sort of ppl there~
Most importantly, things un-expect happen to me there to. My friend was asking me how come I looked gloomy well last night... when we were at fly. Well... all I can say was memories of how things happen to me came about and when I look around, images of HER appear again, the tables area facing the stage, the back stage, e walk way to the wash room.
Haiz, I miss her still... I dunno when will I get over her but I think it will take quite some time for me to forget. Ha never did I expect something would actually happen, never did I expect she will have such a deep impact in my life. How I just wish time would just turn back... What ever is it, I hope she's doing fine now~ Thou I hope just one day I would just recieve her call but I guess it will never happen
Sometimes missing some one is kinda painful ya.....
I know I gotta move on~ Time will do the healing
Friday, September 14, 2007
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
RED CARD!!!
Zzz... jus got back from work... tiring!!!~
Anyway back to todays topic:
RED CARD
I took part in a 4 a side futsal (Something like street soccer) yesterday... I am actually like a sub anyway well I actually would prefer field soccer rather then this but my name was register in so wat e hell jus go la~ Anyway our team perform rather well managed to get into quaters final.. so here's e best part. 2nd half... last 2 minutes I was SUB in, tough rivals, making us run like monkey. well there was a time when one of them was so near to e goal area where I decide to rush over there n give a sliding tackle. wat I didnt know was my team mate also go for him and managed to tackle him. Ref. as usual la... blow e whistle BUT damn I was on e way there wif my slide already... Shitty. I cant pull back n carry on wif what I am intending to do. Then 3 guys (Including me) fell. I got up and here's the part when ref came running to me seems like he's afraid that I might run away like tat like I am a wanted criminal, n he reach for e card in his pocket. At first I thought he is taking out the yellow card... But wat I saw infront was a RED HOT CHILLI colour CARD! Damn he told me that I did a 2 legged tackle so I am out... =( Anyway I smile and walked off. I am the only one who got a RED CARD in e whole tournment haha....
Something different ya! The ref serious la... strict but respect to him. Anyway our team is losing anyway so hack la right... and the most important thing is I didnt injure anyone Phew. A hell of an experience, never have I got a RED CARD before... tats y I m posting it down. COOL right. So means I am "BAN" for three matches... C. RONALDO (MAN U) see you at the bench keke....
okok... enough of whining.... time to catch some sleep! *yawn*
Anyway back to todays topic:
RED CARD
I took part in a 4 a side futsal (Something like street soccer) yesterday... I am actually like a sub anyway well I actually would prefer field soccer rather then this but my name was register in so wat e hell jus go la~ Anyway our team perform rather well managed to get into quaters final.. so here's e best part. 2nd half... last 2 minutes I was SUB in, tough rivals, making us run like monkey. well there was a time when one of them was so near to e goal area where I decide to rush over there n give a sliding tackle. wat I didnt know was my team mate also go for him and managed to tackle him. Ref. as usual la... blow e whistle BUT damn I was on e way there wif my slide already... Shitty. I cant pull back n carry on wif what I am intending to do. Then 3 guys (Including me) fell. I got up and here's the part when ref came running to me seems like he's afraid that I might run away like tat like I am a wanted criminal, n he reach for e card in his pocket. At first I thought he is taking out the yellow card... But wat I saw infront was a RED HOT CHILLI colour CARD! Damn he told me that I did a 2 legged tackle so I am out... =( Anyway I smile and walked off. I am the only one who got a RED CARD in e whole tournment haha....
Something different ya! The ref serious la... strict but respect to him. Anyway our team is losing anyway so hack la right... and the most important thing is I didnt injure anyone Phew. A hell of an experience, never have I got a RED CARD before... tats y I m posting it down. COOL right. So means I am "BAN" for three matches... C. RONALDO (MAN U) see you at the bench keke....
okok... enough of whining.... time to catch some sleep! *yawn*
Sunday, September 2, 2007
HAIZ I FEEL...
Lonely
–adjective
1. affected with, characterized by, or causing a depressing feeling of being alone; lonesome.
2. destitute of sympathetic or friendly companionship, intercourse, support, etc.: a lonely exile.
3. lone; solitary; without company; companionless.
4. remote from places of human habitation; desolate; unfrequented; bleak: a lonely road.
5. standing apart; isolated: a lonely tower.
Sometimes, I just wish I have some one special to tell what have I did, what I going thru, what I am going thru... etc. Perhaps this special person would come by soon... for now I've to say whatever whatever right here.
Today soccer day....
Morning - Training with e rangers at Bishan Park... get to see some of my SEC school mates.. boy its been awhile since we played in the field together, Was great fun. All still the same old boys but well... we've look older
Evening - Another session of soccer at serangoon, haha you prob think we are almost crazy over soccer, seriously I beginning to think that are we playing for professional? Well, we played with some young chaps... then of cos the fitness and everything beat us. Boots dirty again... Hai have to wash again la? Anyone wanna wash for me bo?
.... I m totally tired, phyiscally, emotionally... I cant help thinking of someone AGAIN!! when is it going to go away??? It so damn tiring... Whatever is it, I know I can get over it soon or later....
Alright thats for today! Need to get some beauty sleep... Zzz nights my dear bloggie..
–adjective
1. affected with, characterized by, or causing a depressing feeling of being alone; lonesome.
2. destitute of sympathetic or friendly companionship, intercourse, support, etc.: a lonely exile.
3. lone; solitary; without company; companionless.
4. remote from places of human habitation; desolate; unfrequented; bleak: a lonely road.
5. standing apart; isolated: a lonely tower.
Sometimes, I just wish I have some one special to tell what have I did, what I going thru, what I am going thru... etc. Perhaps this special person would come by soon... for now I've to say whatever whatever right here.
Today soccer day....
Morning - Training with e rangers at Bishan Park... get to see some of my SEC school mates.. boy its been awhile since we played in the field together, Was great fun. All still the same old boys but well... we've look older
Evening - Another session of soccer at serangoon, haha you prob think we are almost crazy over soccer, seriously I beginning to think that are we playing for professional? Well, we played with some young chaps... then of cos the fitness and everything beat us. Boots dirty again... Hai have to wash again la? Anyone wanna wash for me bo?
.... I m totally tired, phyiscally, emotionally... I cant help thinking of someone AGAIN!! when is it going to go away??? It so damn tiring... Whatever is it, I know I can get over it soon or later....
Alright thats for today! Need to get some beauty sleep... Zzz nights my dear bloggie..
Friday, August 31, 2007
I AM A....
FOOL...
- noun
1. a silly or stupid person; a person who lacks judgment or sense.
2. a person who has been tricked or deceived into appearing or acting silly or stupid: to make a fool of someone.
4. a weak-minded or idiotic person. –verb (used with object)
5. to trick, deceive, or impose on: They tried to fool him. –verb (used without object)
6. to act like a fool; joke; play.
7. to jest; pretend; make believe: I was been fooled.
—Verb phrases
8. fool with, to handle or play with idly or carelessly: to be hurt while fooling with a loaded gun; to fool with someone's affections.
—Synonyms 1. simpleton, dolt, dunce, blockhead, numskull, ignoramus, dunderhead, ninny, nincompoop, booby, saphead, sap. 2. zany, clown. 5. moron, imbecile, idiot. 6. delude, hoodwink, cheat, gull, hoax, cozen, dupe, gudgeon.
To whom and you know who you are!... Thanks for treating me one~!
- noun
1. a silly or stupid person; a person who lacks judgment or sense.
2. a person who has been tricked or deceived into appearing or acting silly or stupid: to make a fool of someone.
4. a weak-minded or idiotic person. –verb (used with object)
5. to trick, deceive, or impose on: They tried to fool him. –verb (used without object)
6. to act like a fool; joke; play.
7. to jest; pretend; make believe: I was been fooled.
—Verb phrases
8. fool with, to handle or play with idly or carelessly: to be hurt while fooling with a loaded gun; to fool with someone's affections.
—Synonyms 1. simpleton, dolt, dunce, blockhead, numskull, ignoramus, dunderhead, ninny, nincompoop, booby, saphead, sap. 2. zany, clown. 5. moron, imbecile, idiot. 6. delude, hoodwink, cheat, gull, hoax, cozen, dupe, gudgeon.
To whom and you know who you are!... Thanks for treating me one~!
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Step 11 - After so long...
Hey hey... I am back! How are my fans doing? keke... Sorry was feeling pretty lazy abt writting so I stopped for awhile. I hv been putting lots of thoughts in lot of stuff since then, I still prob dun feel good but I shld be feeling better soon... Let go a few days back.
25 August 2007 3pm
Soccer match @ Kranji Sec Sch between serangoon rangers and mighty mouse!....Both teams played well and e members were one, my beloved sec buddies and the other my everyday sure see colleagues. Thou mighty mouse lost, I believe both teams had played well, thou there some disagreement in e mist of the game but wat can u expect with 22 players all GUYS. so Ego ego ego la! I like to comment that rangers had performed well, and would really happy to see our ranger first win! and representing mighty mouse, I would say to rangers... we'll see on e field again... mighty mouse be back. Beware!
25 August 2007 10pm
The night were I intend to celebrate my birthday @ The LABYRINTH... well, really touched that so many pple actually come, even there new friends who came... but e main purpose of this night outing was more then a gathering then a birthday bash afterall, I m only a year older so whats there to celebrate anyway.... I hope my friends who some havent seen each other for quite a while did some catching up for I am drinking my way thru. E way I drank! haha, scary. I hope all had great fun when seeing me making a fool out of myself..
My Birthday wish!
For everyone to be smiling, n those who are toubled will overcome their problems soon!~ it comes from my heart I hope it come true. Well again there's always reality, pple you see smiling on e surface might be having problems inside. I hope this msg I gg type help who ever ya, peaceful life - a life with no worries, no hestiating, no pain, no anger.... my friend hope for tat. But wat makes life so unpeaceful is it at the place we lived in or the pple we mixed with. Why life is so dramactic? Was it meant to be this way or was it what we humans want it to be this way. There's always a saying, Do you change to suit the enviroment or the enviroment change to suit you? This is a qns I posed to all... Anyway, I nv understand my life and why would it be this way, the true is I dun feel good abt having this life anyway. Ha! but I urge everyone who ever gg to read this... sometimes life is jus as simple as it seems. It is US, WE who complicated things. then again, much like all, they avoid when problems arise. I am one of them too~ since I trying my best to face as many problems coming ahead why nt you??
___________________________________________________________________
The way I only talk abt 25 August haha, I hope my future post wont be as negative as the prev ones. I think I've tried too hard but I know I nv give up.
To HER: I still miss you and care for you~ There might be reasons why you were as open as you used to but I nv give up on anyone, my friends and all... and You are included. =)
Well well, till the next step. Oh I wanna whin before I go... how come I cant load you tube in.... sian Zzz.
25 August 2007 3pm
Soccer match @ Kranji Sec Sch between serangoon rangers and mighty mouse!....Both teams played well and e members were one, my beloved sec buddies and the other my everyday sure see colleagues. Thou mighty mouse lost, I believe both teams had played well, thou there some disagreement in e mist of the game but wat can u expect with 22 players all GUYS. so Ego ego ego la! I like to comment that rangers had performed well, and would really happy to see our ranger first win! and representing mighty mouse, I would say to rangers... we'll see on e field again... mighty mouse be back. Beware!
25 August 2007 10pm
The night were I intend to celebrate my birthday @ The LABYRINTH... well, really touched that so many pple actually come, even there new friends who came... but e main purpose of this night outing was more then a gathering then a birthday bash afterall, I m only a year older so whats there to celebrate anyway.... I hope my friends who some havent seen each other for quite a while did some catching up for I am drinking my way thru. E way I drank! haha, scary. I hope all had great fun when seeing me making a fool out of myself..
My Birthday wish!
For everyone to be smiling, n those who are toubled will overcome their problems soon!~ it comes from my heart I hope it come true. Well again there's always reality, pple you see smiling on e surface might be having problems inside. I hope this msg I gg type help who ever ya, peaceful life - a life with no worries, no hestiating, no pain, no anger.... my friend hope for tat. But wat makes life so unpeaceful is it at the place we lived in or the pple we mixed with. Why life is so dramactic? Was it meant to be this way or was it what we humans want it to be this way. There's always a saying, Do you change to suit the enviroment or the enviroment change to suit you? This is a qns I posed to all... Anyway, I nv understand my life and why would it be this way, the true is I dun feel good abt having this life anyway. Ha! but I urge everyone who ever gg to read this... sometimes life is jus as simple as it seems. It is US, WE who complicated things. then again, much like all, they avoid when problems arise. I am one of them too~ since I trying my best to face as many problems coming ahead why nt you??
___________________________________________________________________
The way I only talk abt 25 August haha, I hope my future post wont be as negative as the prev ones. I think I've tried too hard but I know I nv give up.
To HER: I still miss you and care for you~ There might be reasons why you were as open as you used to but I nv give up on anyone, my friends and all... and You are included. =)
Well well, till the next step. Oh I wanna whin before I go... how come I cant load you tube in.... sian Zzz.
Friday, August 3, 2007
Step 10 - Feelings...
Non-Existence - Seems like I am invisble, Jus like a glass panel which was able to see thru, Or it meant that I did even exist in that part of moment at all. No one can see u or feel you around or maybe they just pretend u dun exist!
Heartless - Someone would out a heart, a person who has no feelings, who dun feel a thing for anything, who treated nothing has ever happened before, its pure ignorance or jus that its part of moving on...?
Appreciative - What the person and someone who comment that you have done in the past WAS appreciative. Now its like, I have done nothing at all. We dun look for returns however, it feels lousy when the things you did was really appreciated...
Selfish - Human beings naturally are selfish. When someone can give them what they want, they wont mind recieving it But when all its over, you would be jus thrown aside n leave to rot alone...
Anger - Anger makes my blood boil! Pressure gone up, Builds up my bad attitude... Really wanna scold someone but prob I was in the wrong at the first place or I've got it wrong all along...
Sadness - Depress, cant sleep well, negative thinking. Wanted to be dramatic and cry it all out. But there's no more tears left!
I'VE TASTED IT ALL....
Heartless - Someone would out a heart, a person who has no feelings, who dun feel a thing for anything, who treated nothing has ever happened before, its pure ignorance or jus that its part of moving on...?
Appreciative - What the person and someone who comment that you have done in the past WAS appreciative. Now its like, I have done nothing at all. We dun look for returns however, it feels lousy when the things you did was really appreciated...
Selfish - Human beings naturally are selfish. When someone can give them what they want, they wont mind recieving it But when all its over, you would be jus thrown aside n leave to rot alone...
Anger - Anger makes my blood boil! Pressure gone up, Builds up my bad attitude... Really wanna scold someone but prob I was in the wrong at the first place or I've got it wrong all along...
Sadness - Depress, cant sleep well, negative thinking. Wanted to be dramatic and cry it all out. But there's no more tears left!
I'VE TASTED IT ALL....
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
Step 9 - Dreams
Opened my eyes and my dream was over...~ I dreamt of HER last night or maybe jus tis morning, weird dream thou. Think thats e only chance I can see her and talk to her ba anyway Talking about dreams, its seems like I stop having sweet dreams its either about work or something bad happening to me... n sometimes I end up wif my neck aching ha! Was it because of the bad dreams I had?
My little Finger - How come there's still a lump there? It been the longest injury I ever had in my whole life time. Prob it the most serious, it still kinda of painful thou. Lets hope on the 3rd Aug 2007 next medical review, I will be off for light duty and I can play the last match for my team MIGHTY MOUSE!!
Eyes - EveryDAY, I have been rubbing them. Till they become really red. Pls I wasnt crying la... Well I would wan to cry but tears wouldnt wanna come out. Anyway my eyes get irritated n I would rub hard! I think I am gg BLIND!
My little Finger - How come there's still a lump there? It been the longest injury I ever had in my whole life time. Prob it the most serious, it still kinda of painful thou. Lets hope on the 3rd Aug 2007 next medical review, I will be off for light duty and I can play the last match for my team MIGHTY MOUSE!!
Eyes - EveryDAY, I have been rubbing them. Till they become really red. Pls I wasnt crying la... Well I would wan to cry but tears wouldnt wanna come out. Anyway my eyes get irritated n I would rub hard! I think I am gg BLIND!
Dreams are mystical and sacred.
Dreams are not real,
and dreams can play tricks.
My dreams are personal.
but also my escape.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Step 8 - New Chapter
Stuffy nose again!! TMD... Zzz What a nice weather today to sleep in... *Yawn* =O
Yesterday... I WAS angry, today I am closing that chapter of my life and starting a new one again... you shall say moving on~ No pt dwelling on it when people doesn't give a damn right... So what shall I write this time??
Let's see... Yesterday dinner @ 'WAKURA' again but different location wif Mr Teck 'Roon' haha Pardon, so that poor guy got drag by me to 'KEE SIAO' hours a pub near china town to have soon booze... keke. We went to meet a frd, Joelyn a Siao Char bor... Wait.. before that I spotted a cutie waitress! But only can see la keke.
Yea abt Joelyn... I dunno how the hell she gets to know a 32 yr old guy which is like 10 years older then her and she told me she is falling in love but she is afraid... I mean whats there to be afraid about. When love is concern, its blind there's always up n downs whether u fail in future or not, is how u take it n handle it and its not being afraid to face it and avoid it... I wonder if she is in love @ the first place. Or jus LUST. Well, I cant comment, cos I myself dunno what love means! Ha
On the other hand, another guy about her age who likes her. Haiz poor guy... I can understand how's he is gg thru. And I told joelyn to end it well wif him. She jus argue the way thru but actual fact, she gave him an indirect ans.
Indirect ans: means making e guy ponder, whether he thinks he has the chance or nt... part of his consious will surely think that he has e chance. Well, lets hope this guy finds a better girl next time! I better keep my mouth shut cos I in no position to say all this....
Anyhow, I still dun understand what's love... Its seem like there's always more lust to love if anyone could explain pls comment... well well, I dunno what I am posting today but whoever read this I hope they understand =)
Cheers!
Yesterday... I WAS angry, today I am closing that chapter of my life and starting a new one again... you shall say moving on~ No pt dwelling on it when people doesn't give a damn right... So what shall I write this time??
Let's see... Yesterday dinner @ 'WAKURA' again but different location wif Mr Teck 'Roon' haha Pardon, so that poor guy got drag by me to 'KEE SIAO' hours a pub near china town to have soon booze... keke. We went to meet a frd, Joelyn a Siao Char bor... Wait.. before that I spotted a cutie waitress! But only can see la keke.
Yea abt Joelyn... I dunno how the hell she gets to know a 32 yr old guy which is like 10 years older then her and she told me she is falling in love but she is afraid... I mean whats there to be afraid about. When love is concern, its blind there's always up n downs whether u fail in future or not, is how u take it n handle it and its not being afraid to face it and avoid it... I wonder if she is in love @ the first place. Or jus LUST. Well, I cant comment, cos I myself dunno what love means! Ha
On the other hand, another guy about her age who likes her. Haiz poor guy... I can understand how's he is gg thru. And I told joelyn to end it well wif him. She jus argue the way thru but actual fact, she gave him an indirect ans.
Indirect ans: means making e guy ponder, whether he thinks he has the chance or nt... part of his consious will surely think that he has e chance. Well, lets hope this guy finds a better girl next time! I better keep my mouth shut cos I in no position to say all this....
Anyhow, I still dun understand what's love... Its seem like there's always more lust to love if anyone could explain pls comment... well well, I dunno what I am posting today but whoever read this I hope they understand =)
Cheers!
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Step 7 - ANGRY
This post is to vent my anger... its prob for once and thats it...!!
I treat it as it is nothing the FACT is Ha! I am again a SUPPORT PILLOW. What you ladies think I am... a tool? when u need some one, I am there... then after when you GIRLS have thought it thru, U all jus throw me aside and thought that I m good on my own.... Stop being selfish for once n spare a thought for my feelings. I am a human too, I have feelings. I seriously not a tool to jus be there when u need me. Best e end of it you all jus turn cold and treat as nothing had happen, what you all told me before... all fake is it??!! or is that jus for that period of time... which u all think u all got blind. Pls for once if you all wanna end it... end it well dun just quietly walked away and treat as nothing EVER HAPPEN!
Something HAPPEN for sure... another scar for me... Well, who can I blame now? Seriously no one but myself who commit too much. Well a favour from all of you, My life is bad enough dun make it worst!
I m angry... angry... angry.... But I will fine after all this whinning....
Taking e next step again... Cherry-O~
I treat it as it is nothing the FACT is Ha! I am again a SUPPORT PILLOW. What you ladies think I am... a tool? when u need some one, I am there... then after when you GIRLS have thought it thru, U all jus throw me aside and thought that I m good on my own.... Stop being selfish for once n spare a thought for my feelings. I am a human too, I have feelings. I seriously not a tool to jus be there when u need me. Best e end of it you all jus turn cold and treat as nothing had happen, what you all told me before... all fake is it??!! or is that jus for that period of time... which u all think u all got blind. Pls for once if you all wanna end it... end it well dun just quietly walked away and treat as nothing EVER HAPPEN!
Something HAPPEN for sure... another scar for me... Well, who can I blame now? Seriously no one but myself who commit too much. Well a favour from all of you, My life is bad enough dun make it worst!
I m angry... angry... angry.... But I will fine after all this whinning....
Taking e next step again... Cherry-O~
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
...Someday...
You seduce me with your smile,
and I fell in love with your charm,
you mersmerize me with your eyes,
and drown me in your arms.
But I'm afraid to tell you
of what I truly feel,
I fear that you might
reject the love I feel.
I love you,so what should I do?
Am I supposeto tell it to you?
Or just keep it to myself,
never let you know,
and just hope that someday,
you'll love me too?
Step 6 - New Phrase!!!
Woke up... wif stuffy nose, as usual same old relapse when I was young who knows one day I might be stuff and cant breathe ha! Another day had past... Last night finish work around 2230hrs, so many so many returns paperwork to be done or shall I say we've to wait for everyone to finish then we can go...
I have observe this team compare to my team... I can say this team have different groupings, each one of them choose who to hang around wif. Any after work they go their own way. Its prob the work enviroment, that they do not have any common interests or there's a generation gap. Boy, I miss my team already!
Whenever, I come home ,be it from work, or outside. Before I enter the lift, I am always looking around. Not because I m looking for any strangers following me but m hoping that some one I wish would appear. Some one who is still in my heart and never stop looking for to see. How good if that some one would appear some day? SMACK!~ Wake up and stop dreaming~ EUGENE!
Oops! It never happen... after all I dun think I even have a place in that some one heart. like when I watched a Korean drama... it taught me two new phrases when I think it best reflect on me.
I have observe this team compare to my team... I can say this team have different groupings, each one of them choose who to hang around wif. Any after work they go their own way. Its prob the work enviroment, that they do not have any common interests or there's a generation gap. Boy, I miss my team already!
Whenever, I come home ,be it from work, or outside. Before I enter the lift, I am always looking around. Not because I m looking for any strangers following me but m hoping that some one I wish would appear. Some one who is still in my heart and never stop looking for to see. How good if that some one would appear some day? SMACK!~ Wake up and stop dreaming~ EUGENE!
Oops! It never happen... after all I dun think I even have a place in that some one heart. like when I watched a Korean drama... it taught me two new phrases when I think it best reflect on me.
"We are accquiantians NEVER on the same path"
and
"A TOAD lusting for a swan will GET you no where..."
It so damn true... come to think of it I can't even take care of myself let alone some one, Its better not to drag any one to my life... ... ....
Maybe letting go is a good idea....
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Step 5 - Indecisive
Sunday morning... another day had pass, to think about again the days I have always go thru it meaningless. Either worries over work, money or love. Its always the same old thing again n again... moreover, have been very INDECISIVE lately... I can't seem to make up my mind. First I say one, after awhile I wanna do the other... What's going on between me!
Yes, I have been flipping my decision here n there in e past. But, never like so bad now. I never know what I want... Its really like no determination, no directions. Probably, cos of my mood swings lately, I'm like a volcano who seldom erupts. BUT when it does... ALL HELL BREAK LOSE.
Seriously, I hope it will never happen. I know Time will help me to get my two feets up! I suppose to head to bugis and get my watch... but @ e end I change my mind again. Haizzz... Was it because I dun wanna go alone or m I jus to lazy to go PUBLIC. I thought: "How I wish I can drive..."
Pple you yearn to see nv appear, nv call, nv msg, nv write... Guess this is the way LIFE is. They never care for your feelings, its seems like you have become an unwanted trash and you are just cast aside. What you have done in past, no longer apperciated no longer cherish. At the end, when you tried so hard to get their attention, they claim you are just being sensitive. Humans are just too selfish! Its sad to say, when humans became close to one another. There's probably a reason... cos maybe both parties gets the benefit of one another. Sad~ so sad to say this is a REALITY of life. Now I came to understand "Every MAN/WOMAN for him/herself"
Its seems I've been writting alot of negative stuffs in this "Take a walk with me" Maybe what I m seeing now is more negative then positive. Prob the next time... I will put in positive stuff...
Till we walk again...
Yes, I have been flipping my decision here n there in e past. But, never like so bad now. I never know what I want... Its really like no determination, no directions. Probably, cos of my mood swings lately, I'm like a volcano who seldom erupts. BUT when it does... ALL HELL BREAK LOSE.
Seriously, I hope it will never happen. I know Time will help me to get my two feets up! I suppose to head to bugis and get my watch... but @ e end I change my mind again. Haizzz... Was it because I dun wanna go alone or m I jus to lazy to go PUBLIC. I thought: "How I wish I can drive..."
Pple you yearn to see nv appear, nv call, nv msg, nv write... Guess this is the way LIFE is. They never care for your feelings, its seems like you have become an unwanted trash and you are just cast aside. What you have done in past, no longer apperciated no longer cherish. At the end, when you tried so hard to get their attention, they claim you are just being sensitive. Humans are just too selfish! Its sad to say, when humans became close to one another. There's probably a reason... cos maybe both parties gets the benefit of one another. Sad~ so sad to say this is a REALITY of life. Now I came to understand "Every MAN/WOMAN for him/herself"
Its seems I've been writting alot of negative stuffs in this "Take a walk with me" Maybe what I m seeing now is more negative then positive. Prob the next time... I will put in positive stuff...
Till we walk again...
Saturday, July 21, 2007
...Forbidden...
Did you recall when we first met?
You cheer me up I couldn’t forget
I was so lonely and you are too
Smile on my face took away the blue......
Could this be love or infatuation?
I’m feeling right now or just illusion
My heart beats faster day by day
Seeing you around I feel okay
I'm sure its love I’m feeling right now
But family and friends will not allow
Because you are but forbidden love
And God knows from up above
We can't show our love in public
Everyone will be a critic
They will talk and make us cry
I can’t endure and I will die
Lord help us fight this feeling
So we will not end up in something
I’ve tried so many times to stop it
But could not do I had to admit
Please Lord if you can forgive us
Our true love you're the only witness
This love will flourish and continue
Forever and ever and that is true
I hope everyone will understand
Together we hold hand in hand
We may vanish on earth one day
But our love won’t fade away
Step 4 - Blank~
Jus finished my 1st day @ Team Bravo, got home... raining again la, nv take umberalla as usual so drench alittle, well all I can the 1st day was 'alright' but then again when I see my team colleagues... I start to miss them =( I believe there's more to come.. or such I say worst... cos basically e true colours are not out yet.. Shall wait n see...
On my way back while listening to my walkman hp... this song came by
... And I thought of HER again... I hope she is doing fine, I wanted to ask her if she's feeling better but it seems like we r like not even friends. I believe time can producing healing. I'll pray that she will be free from worries soon!
Zzz... my eyes are closing! Haha guess I will just end it off right here, will continue e next STEP soon
On my way back while listening to my walkman hp... this song came by
退后
天空灰的像哭过
离开你以后
并没有更自由
酸酸的空气
守住我们的距离
一幕醉心的结局
像呼吸般无法停息
抽屉泛黄的日记
找到了回忆
那笑容是傻气
你我的过去
被深深真的忘记
缺氧过后的爱情
存心的眼泪是多余
我知道你我都没有错
只是忘了怎么退后
信誓旦旦给的承诺
全被时间扑了空
我知道我们都没有错
只是放手比较好过
最美的爱情回忆里带去
☆歌词吾爱☆
☆歌词提供:再兴☆
天空灰的像哭过
离开你以后
并没有更自由
酸酸的空气
守住我们的距离
一幕醉心的结局
像呼吸般无法停息
抽屉泛黄的日记
找到了回忆
那笑容是傻气
你我的过去
被深深真的忘记
缺氧过后的爱情
存心的眼泪是多余
我知道你我都没有错
只是忘了怎么退后
信誓旦旦给的承诺
全被时间扑了空
我知道门都没有错
只是放手会比较好过
最美的爱情会一定带去
我知道我们都没有错
只是放手会比较好过
最美的爱情回忆里带去(待续)
相信你我还会有开始只因我们都没有错...
... And I thought of HER again... I hope she is doing fine, I wanted to ask her if she's feeling better but it seems like we r like not even friends. I believe time can producing healing. I'll pray that she will be free from worries soon!
Zzz... my eyes are closing! Haha guess I will just end it off right here, will continue e next STEP soon
Friday, July 20, 2007
...lonely...
I'm on my own feeling lonely,
Tension buliding up inside,
Hurting deep down,
And trying to hide,
All the sadness within,
From all the people who cared,
Not knowing how to explain,
The thoughts in my head,
So I just block out everyone,
It was only for the best,
I put on my fake smile,
So no one would guess,
That at home in my room,
I would break down and cry,
But tears didn't help,
I needed a cure,
So I picked up a razor,
And thought of self-harm,
Then I slashed at my wrists,
Made blood pour from my arm,
It was a realease,
From my tension and pain,
The feelings dlowed out,
With the bolld from my vains,
The fleash on my wrists,
Was torn and red,
But then I felt better,
For clearing my head,
From all teh emotion,
Which was locked up inside,
Now it is only my scars,
That I'm trying to hide...
Step 3 - Bravo
Jus after I wrote the post yesterday, I recieved a call from my supervisor saying I am going over to TEAM BRAVO until my hand recover. I expect it would happen... But come to think of it thanks to one of my big mouth colleague who is one of the caused that made my supervisor speaking to the upper management about my condition. I may or MAY NOT return to my previous team...
Yesterday dinner at a japanese resturant wif joelle... At wakaru or something. @ Central. The basement is just like a maze. Mood was netural before heading to dinner until I recieve a call from another big mouth colleague saying that I MAY NOT return. I start to think... the possibility, chances are 50 - 50! Would it be to the extend that I had to resign? I have to think about it.
Clark Quay - Nothing interesting after dinner, jus stroll around Clark Quay looking for place to drink wif joelle but at e end of it, I said : "Let's head home...." At first we wanted to head to St James but guess my stomach was just to bloated to drink anything so I suggested gg home.
St James Power Station - I took different side from my friend. While returning, I suddenly felt that I wouldnt wanna to go home so I made a U-turn and head to St james myself. I gave HER a msg hoping that maybe she can join me, but aiya she have plans~ I end up drinking alone @ the end bar of the club. On my right there's a couple. Suddenly this group of 4 'Ang Mohs' came and cut into my left side and order their drinks. I thought they will go and who knows they just hang around there! Take e space up making me look so small. Blocking my view also! Its a gd thing that e couple left and I had more space.
My two irritating colleagues as usual keeping calling me... I was so irritated and I off my phone! The more I drink, the more I think... I felt even more disappointed wif everything. I end off my drinks at 12plus and head home... I turn on my phone then. SHE gave me 2 msges asking me if I am ok?, I did not reply... nor I would wanna pick up HER call. I just dun wanna speak to anyone at that time. But on the other hand, I hope that SHE would call me a more few times but it never happen. Wishful thinking again~ I prob just some nobody. My phone then became silence and I doze off....
I managed to change my doc's appointment date to 03-08-2007, 1150am, I hope after that I am able to return to my TEAM... for now I jus have to bear wif it first ba....
Yesterday dinner at a japanese resturant wif joelle... At wakaru or something. @ Central. The basement is just like a maze. Mood was netural before heading to dinner until I recieve a call from another big mouth colleague saying that I MAY NOT return. I start to think... the possibility, chances are 50 - 50! Would it be to the extend that I had to resign? I have to think about it.
Clark Quay - Nothing interesting after dinner, jus stroll around Clark Quay looking for place to drink wif joelle but at e end of it, I said : "Let's head home...." At first we wanted to head to St James but guess my stomach was just to bloated to drink anything so I suggested gg home.
St James Power Station - I took different side from my friend. While returning, I suddenly felt that I wouldnt wanna to go home so I made a U-turn and head to St james myself. I gave HER a msg hoping that maybe she can join me, but aiya she have plans~ I end up drinking alone @ the end bar of the club. On my right there's a couple. Suddenly this group of 4 'Ang Mohs' came and cut into my left side and order their drinks. I thought they will go and who knows they just hang around there! Take e space up making me look so small. Blocking my view also! Its a gd thing that e couple left and I had more space.
My two irritating colleagues as usual keeping calling me... I was so irritated and I off my phone! The more I drink, the more I think... I felt even more disappointed wif everything. I end off my drinks at 12plus and head home... I turn on my phone then. SHE gave me 2 msges asking me if I am ok?, I did not reply... nor I would wanna pick up HER call. I just dun wanna speak to anyone at that time. But on the other hand, I hope that SHE would call me a more few times but it never happen. Wishful thinking again~ I prob just some nobody. My phone then became silence and I doze off....
I managed to change my doc's appointment date to 03-08-2007, 1150am, I hope after that I am able to return to my TEAM... for now I jus have to bear wif it first ba....
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Step 2 - UNWANTED CHILD
Zzz... jus got back from work tired as usual, was a busy night shift again. Haiz wondering if there's something wrong wif my supervisor luck or is it jus fate that wanted us to work harder. People always have e impression on how slack are we.... They just would know how tough we are gg thru.
This morning... before heading home, my supervisor told me that I might be transferred/ on loan to another team. Just because of my right little finger when I fractured on 21 july 2007 during a soccer match. 'Sigh' seems like I m becoming AN UNWANTED CHILD pushing here n there. I wonder if I have done wrong by reporting I m on light duty....
I was Banned to play soccer... my team played a match yesterday before our shift. Our rivals were strong and we managed to squeeze in a 3 - 2... I was relieved. I couldnt play, so was standing at the side line supporting my team wearing our newly print jersey with words "mighty mouse" Hee my no. is 6. I m a defender. My legs were so wanting to play but I was not allowed. I just walked around shouting at my team mates.... Ha
Mighty mouse - orginated cos we nick our supervisor a CAT, so since we are all afraid of him we nicked ourself as mouse... I am called 'Small eyes mouse'
Her - There again I am thinking about her. There's so many stuff I wanna ask her. But its jus wasnt e right time or maybe I will never ask. I wanna know if she still think of me.... I wanna know why the recent coldness treatment... I wanna know why has it to be principle that makes us impossible... I miss her sweet messages, and her calls made in e morning greeting me 'Morning' It seems like we have became strangers overnight... =( I just wish I could turn back time. Badly do I wanna share what I am going thru to her but then again she have her own problems. Many a times I wanted to call her but I just dunno what to say.
What have I got myself into again... Its always the same Falling in love feeling and at e end a deep rejection. Prob I jus fall in love too quickly... or I am jus lonely. Actually, its tiring falling in love, putting efforts and the end of it. It became a blank. I have been going thru this so many times and I never LEARN. Its seems like I am every one passing cloud. When will I be able to find some one who loves for the way I am?
A Cursed? or I owe them fr previous life? Or should I be GAY!!!~
*yawn* I think thats enough for this morning... I wanna go sleep on this cosy raining day.... Night!
This morning... before heading home, my supervisor told me that I might be transferred/ on loan to another team. Just because of my right little finger when I fractured on 21 july 2007 during a soccer match. 'Sigh' seems like I m becoming AN UNWANTED CHILD pushing here n there. I wonder if I have done wrong by reporting I m on light duty....
I was Banned to play soccer... my team played a match yesterday before our shift. Our rivals were strong and we managed to squeeze in a 3 - 2... I was relieved. I couldnt play, so was standing at the side line supporting my team wearing our newly print jersey with words "mighty mouse" Hee my no. is 6. I m a defender. My legs were so wanting to play but I was not allowed. I just walked around shouting at my team mates.... Ha
Mighty mouse - orginated cos we nick our supervisor a CAT, so since we are all afraid of him we nicked ourself as mouse... I am called 'Small eyes mouse'
Her - There again I am thinking about her. There's so many stuff I wanna ask her. But its jus wasnt e right time or maybe I will never ask. I wanna know if she still think of me.... I wanna know why the recent coldness treatment... I wanna know why has it to be principle that makes us impossible... I miss her sweet messages, and her calls made in e morning greeting me 'Morning' It seems like we have became strangers overnight... =( I just wish I could turn back time. Badly do I wanna share what I am going thru to her but then again she have her own problems. Many a times I wanted to call her but I just dunno what to say.
What have I got myself into again... Its always the same Falling in love feeling and at e end a deep rejection. Prob I jus fall in love too quickly... or I am jus lonely. Actually, its tiring falling in love, putting efforts and the end of it. It became a blank. I have been going thru this so many times and I never LEARN. Its seems like I am every one passing cloud. When will I be able to find some one who loves for the way I am?
A Cursed? or I owe them fr previous life? Or should I be GAY!!!~
*yawn* I think thats enough for this morning... I wanna go sleep on this cosy raining day.... Night!
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
1st Step... 18th July 07 1030hrs Raining...
Hey! This is my first time blogging... u know I always thought that blogging is a waste of time... and the fact is I still believe so. I am writing cos I wan an avenue to place my thoughts as they have been stuffing inside me and I feel so damn horrible.
These few days or should I say weeks, I never been happy... the smile my friends prob see on me were e most fake I ever present. Everything have been going on going on again, its seem like it always repeat itself and I sick n tired of it. Work balance, love, friends, money... etc. The problems dun come one by one. It all come together.
Work - Recently, a new supervisor came in. His working methods are unbelieveable hard to get used to. overall e he's a nice guy. But it seem like a torture to be working under him. I am always dragging myself to work... Zzz so heavy. it seems like things I have been doing at work is always the same, I think I can never learn much in this manner. I wanna quit but I just cant!
Love - Its been a norm ever since my last break up wif my 2nd gf in 1999. I never had a stable relationship. Not that I dun want to but it jus wouldnt happen to me. I was always told that the right one will come... I waited it always end up getting involve with the wrong person. It has been 8 years.... haha could it be e methods I am applyin or they way I am treating the ladies I am interested in. I am always at the wrong time, wrong place... Or I am fated to be single for the rest of my life. I always asked why is this happening to me again and again. I dun blame the gurls. I blame myself, for trying to hard or jus plain USELESS... the fact is I miss someone now but there's no way I can express it. Pathetic!<<<< correct spelling
There's so many things I wanna write but due to time constrain.. i think i'll jus end it off...
These few days or should I say weeks, I never been happy... the smile my friends prob see on me were e most fake I ever present. Everything have been going on going on again, its seem like it always repeat itself and I sick n tired of it. Work balance, love, friends, money... etc. The problems dun come one by one. It all come together.
Work - Recently, a new supervisor came in. His working methods are unbelieveable hard to get used to. overall e he's a nice guy. But it seem like a torture to be working under him. I am always dragging myself to work... Zzz so heavy. it seems like things I have been doing at work is always the same, I think I can never learn much in this manner. I wanna quit but I just cant!
Love - Its been a norm ever since my last break up wif my 2nd gf in 1999. I never had a stable relationship. Not that I dun want to but it jus wouldnt happen to me. I was always told that the right one will come... I waited it always end up getting involve with the wrong person. It has been 8 years.... haha could it be e methods I am applyin or they way I am treating the ladies I am interested in. I am always at the wrong time, wrong place... Or I am fated to be single for the rest of my life. I always asked why is this happening to me again and again. I dun blame the gurls. I blame myself, for trying to hard or jus plain USELESS... the fact is I miss someone now but there's no way I can express it. Pathetic!<<<< correct spelling
There's so many things I wanna write but due to time constrain.. i think i'll jus end it off...
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